How to…make a sharehouse extremely awkward*

the scene:

tuesday night. i get home from dins with X and Y…it’s probably around 8.30-9. walk in, my flattie Boy is watching telly. ask him how his day was, have a little chitty chat, ask him if he wants apple pie and icecream (maybe this is where i went wrong? it’s clearly the moves of a flirty lady) go into my room to get out of my work clothes. come out, sit on couch, continue watching telly/chatting away.

 

he stands up, does a weird stretch, leans right over me and asks ‘if i want anything?’

me: no no, i’m fine (thinking that he just means, do you want a cup of tea - i’m going to the kitchen)

Boy: oh, ok.

Boy walks off, busies himself in the kitchen.

i am left wondering what just happened…thinking…did he just try and kiss me? did he just ask me if i wanted anything?

 

eat pie and icecream.

 

half an hour later. i’m lying on the couch, he’s lying on the other couch. all of a sudden, he’s sitting on my couch, in that little gap where your tummy curls in, spoon style. the gap that mums and lovers sit in. you know where i mean. looks me in the eye and….

 

boy: Girl, stop being ridiculous.

me: what do you mean?

boy: you know what i mean.

boy leans down

me: woah. what are you doing?

boy: have i got the wrong idea?

me: oh. woah. yes.

boy leans closer and is now about 2-3cm away from my lips, eyes closed, ready to rumble.

me: please don’t do this.

boy: are you sure i’ve got the wrong idea?

me: YES!

boy leans out and is now sitting.

boy: are you sure?

me: yeah.

boy: oh.

boy stands up and awkwardly sits back on his couch.

Girl looks confused.

 

boy: oh, i’m so sorry. i’m an idiot.

me: no no, it’s cool, don’t worry about it.

boy: i’m really sorry.

me: seriously, it’s cool. there’s no need to apologise

boy: ahahahah you’re a terrible flirt.

me: WHAT? i’m just being a friendly flatmate!

 

it was so awkward i felt like i was in a movie. mad props to him for the massive efforts, but c’mon man, it’s hardly a time for romance, two flatties in trackies watching telly.

 

all i have to do is get through the next week and a half. i hid in my room this morning so i wouldn’t have to see him.

 

oh sharehouses. so wrong, yet so right.

 

(*Submitted by a friend, from the vaults)